Cold
by ShadowBeaw
Summary: Sequel to So Far away. Cloud reflects on what happened between Tifa and himself. Songfic


Disclaimer: Not my characters, they belong to Square-Enix. I merely get to play with them -grins mischievously- The song belongs to Crossfade, not me.

A/N: Decided to make like a little sequel thing to So Far Away. Found this song and I thought it would be perfect to go along with so I am using it. Actually happy with this and it didn't take me forever to write. Hope you guys enjoy as well!

Cold

_Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win  
You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high_

Cloud stared down at the bottle of alcohol in his hand watching as he swirled the dark liquid. Tifa's words chanting within his mind. "You are stuck in the past Cloud and you are dragging me with you. At first it was fine, I did not mind living in the past with you. But now… I just can't do it. You are brining me down too much. I want to live my life the way I want to, but I can't as long as I stay here with you." Cloud cursed silently to himself and took another large gulp of the burning liquid.

For the past two months the blonde swordsman had been like this. Cloud would disappear during the day to get rid of the monsters that frequently tried to attack the town and then came home to an empty house. He would take a shower and then directly after he would drink until the bottle was gone, passing out on the couch. Cloud would wake up in the morning, down some aspirin and go about work as usual. Without Tifa around, Cloud Strife became the lonely, cold person he had been before Meteor.

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold_

"I didn't mean to chase you away Tifa… Hell I never meant to hurt you at all. I truly thought everything was fine between us. We always talked and ate breakfast and dinner together as if there wasn't a care in the world. I guess I was wrong… all wrong. I never tried to listen to you or see the pain masked behind those eyes of yours… I… I am sorry for everything…" he mumbled out lowly with his head bowed down, blonde spikes hiding the glowing blue eyes.

_To you I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high_

The bottle was tilted back on his lips letting the alcohol slide down his throat once more, burning it while the liquid emptied into his stomach. His arm dropped down and he slumped back in the chair, his head resting against wooden bar. Dim, glowing blue eyes stared up at the faint light hanging above him illuminating the room. "I am sorry for that too… Though I never said I still had feelings for Aeris… you still seemed to know… I guess you have always known everything about me... better than I ever have… I wish I could be a better man for you and not depend so much on everyone else…" he muttered out slowly closing his eyes.

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold _

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me theres just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold

Cloud let out a sigh and gulped down the rest of the dark liquid. The bottle was tossed in the trashcan and he made his way into the small living room. Slowly he shuffled over to the couch before letting his tired body fall flat onto it. His head nuzzled the plush couch before settling into a comfortable spot. His arm grabbed the blanket on the back of the furniture letting it drape over his bare back. Blue eyes were partially closed as he stared off into the darkness of the room. "I am leaving Cloud and nothing you say is going to change that. Your holding e back from my life. I have to go."

"I am just one screwed up asshole aren't I Tif... It was never meant for you… but I guess you are the one who has seen it the most… For that I am sorry… I truly did not want to hurt you and chase you away from me… If anything… I wanted you to be closer to me… Too late to say now… but I did care for you more than a friend… True my heart was too Aeris… but slowly I was changing… Guess it wasn't enough though…. And I am sorry for that… I do hope you find happiness…" he muttered out to the picture of Tifa and himself that hung on the mantle; it had been taken during their first summer back at Nibelheim. After letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes and let exhaustion and the alcohol in his system to caring him off to sleep.

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold_

Fin-

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. Leave me a little note to tell me what you think. Thankies so much! hands out cookies


End file.
